Story Synopsis: Matt has discovered that having a big tantrum is a fairly efficient means of getting his own way. His parents, at their wit's end with Matt's beastly behavior, enlist the help of the school and a psychologist.
Will child psychology save the day?
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The Making of A Me Monster
©2005 by Tina Olesen
This document may be freely downloaded or printed, for your own personal and non-commercial use,
provided that it is not altered and proper citation of authorship is included.
Introduction
The Making of a Me Monster is a companion story to Wee Wisdom, written especially with those who care for children in mind. It came out of my own journey of deliverance from compromise with secular humanism and its child training methodologies (Wee Wisdom was the tool of my deliverance). This story is sent forth with the prayer that troubled children and their caregivers may be met in the Truth, with love.
Once there was a little boy by the name of Mr. Matt. He was a clever little fellow, with a studious look about his face which gave others the impression that he was wiser than his four years.
Mr. Matt lived with his Mommy; Emma, his Daddy; Philip, and baby sister; Little Miss Leslie. Theirs was a comfortable home, filled with everything that they needed. Matt had many special books and toys, but his favorite toy of all was his very own little computer. Matt called it his “compooter” and played with it as much as his parents would allow.
One day, Matt was busy typing away on his computer when his little sister, Leslie, strolled into his room to see what he was up to. She looked up at him with her big brown eyes, and tugged on the back of his shirt to try to get his attention.
“Go away, Lethlie, I’m bithy!” said Matt, with a little annoyance. Leslie was always interrupting him when he was in the middle of something. It seemed to him that he had never had a moment’s peace since the day she had arrived in their family. Matt remembered Mommy’s big tummy, and how they told him that he was going to have a brother or sister. He had looked forward to this, but now that she was here, he wasn’t so sure that he liked having to share everything with her, especially his Mommy and Daddy. Now Mommy’s tummy was getting big again, and Matt knew that meant one more person to share his parents with.
Leslie insistently tugged again on Matt’s shirt. He ignored her, so she came around beside the computer and put her face in front of it. Matt heaved a big sigh, picked up the computer and turned away from her. Leslie followed, then putting both hands on the toy and pulling it towards her, she hollered, “Mine!”
This was just too much for Matt. He knew this was definitely not hers! Why, it was his! He hollered, “Mine!” right back at her, and soon they were playing tug of war with the toy.
Emma heard the screaming, and came running into the room. She looked on in dismay as she saw her children scowling at each other and hollering at the top of their lungs. This was not the brotherly-sisterly relationship that she had envisioned, and she was frustrated and disappointed that they were fighting yet again.
“Why can’t you two just share?” she asked, as she separated the two of them and put the computer up high on the shelf. “Now no one is going to play with that, since you can’t seem to share it!”
“But Mommy, you know it is mine! That’s no fair!” whined Matt. Leslie just stuck her thumb in her mouth and started to suck. She did not quite know what to make of this situation. All she knew was that Mommy was not happy.
“I’ll tell you what’s fair, young man. You’re going to stay in your room by yourself until dinner,” said Emma, and with that she picked up Leslie and left the room, closing the door behind her.
Matt threw himself on his bed and began to wail. It was so unjust! Then he got a bad case of the ‘poor-me’s, and went into a tantrum on his bed. He started to scream, “I hate Lethlie!” and kicked and punched his bed.
Emma heard this, and sighed in discouragement. What was she to do with him? His jealousy over his little sister seemed to be getting worse. In about four more months, she was going to have another baby, and she wondered how was Matt going to accept it. She worried and fretted over this until her husband came home from work. Philip came and gave her a kiss and a hug hello, lovingly patting her burgeoning belly. As he looked into her eyes, he could see that she was upset.
“What’s wrong, honey?” he asked with concern.
“Matt and Leslie had another fight today. He said he hates her! I just don’t know what to do. I am really worried about how he is going to accept the new baby,” Emma said sadly. Philip frowned and shook his head.
“This just seems to be getting worse. I thought he would have learned to love Leslie by now. I was hopeful the other day when I saw him give her a hug, but then I saw what kind of a hug it was. He squeezed her so hard her poor little eyes bugged out! Then he planted a kiss on her that could have bruised her cheek! I tried to talk to him about it, but I couldn’t seem to get through to him,” he mourned.
His wife heaved a deep sigh. “We have to do something about this, before the other baby arrives,” she said desperately, as she turned to stir the soup on the stove.
“What can we do? I have tried reasoning with him, and punishing him doesn’t seem to be working,” he replied, setting the table for dinner. “What else is there?”
“Well,” said Emma slowly, “Matt’s teacher at preschool said she could refer him to a psychologist.”
“A psychologist?!” exclaimed Philip, putting the last soup bowl down with a bang. “What on earth does a four year old need to see a psychologist for?”
“Calm down, dear, and lower your voice. Matt is going to hear you,” chided Emma gently, ladling out the soup. “His teacher told me that many children experience sibling rivalry, and for some it is more intense than for others. She thinks that Matt is feeling left out, that maybe he isn’t getting enough of our attention. She said that sometimes kids need counseling to repair the damage done to their self esteem.”
Philip sat down. “So it’s our fault? We have damaged his self esteem?”
“Well, I’m sure Miss Pris must know what she is talking about. She sees this kind of thing all the time. Why don’t we just take him for one appointment? What harm could it possibly do?” she said lightly, placing the bread on the table and turning off the stove.
“Well, I guess it might be a good idea. I’ve run out of ideas of my own,” he said quietly.
“Okay then, it’s settled. I’ll get the referral at preschool tomorrow,” said Emma with finality, and called the children to the table for dinner. Matt was still sulky, and his eyes were all red from crying. He toyed with his soup, and barely looked at anyone. Leslie had her bib strapped on, and was trying to navigate getting the soup spoon into her little mouth. She looked over at Matt and smiled, and he responded by sticking his tongue out at her.
“Matt, that’s rude!” admonished Emma. “Please use your manners at the table!” Matt did not reply. He reached for a piece of bread from the basket. At the same time, Leslie reached for it as well. He quickly snatched it away from her, and she burst into tears.
“Is that any way to treat your little sister, Matt?” asked Philip gently. “Look what you have done to her!” he implored, taking the bread basket away and bringing it over to Leslie.
“Don’t I get any bread? What about me?” yelled Matt.
“I think you’ve had enough for now. You can go back to your room,” commanded Philip, and Matt dejectedly climbed down from the table and went to his room, slamming the door behind him.
“I think I see what you mean. Something has to be done about that boy,” said Philip, and shook his head sadly.
Matt began to cry again. He was miserable. He listened as Leslie, Mommy and Daddy continued to eat and talk together at the table. He felt so lonely. He got to feeling so very lonely that he began to feel sorry for himself again, and got another case of the ‘poor me’s. It was a bad one this time, and he fell asleep crying angry tears.
The next morning, Emma woke Matt up and got him ready to go to preschool. Emma and Philip had searched long and hard for the best private preschool they could find for their son. Matt really liked his school. There were all kinds of fun things to do there, and cool toys to play with. As they arrived and Matt went to hang up his coat, Emma stayed and talked with the teacher, Miss Pris, for a minute. Matt had the idea that they might be talking about him. He knew that Mommy thought he had a “problem”. He watched them as they talked together. His teacher wrote something on a paper and gave it to Emma. Then Emma left. Miss Pris came over to him, and asked, “Well, Mr. Matt, how are you today?”
“Okay. But I hate my thithter,” he replied quite honestly, folding his arms across his chest and scowling.
“I’m sure you don’t hate her, Matt. It sounds like you just need a little more attention. Do you want to be our special person at circle time today? You are really good at building with Lego. Why don’t you bring your Lego car over to the circle and share it with the class?” Miss Pris cajoled.
“Okay!” said Matt excitedly. He ran to get the Lego car and raced to the circle, nearly bowling over another child on his way. As the children sat down for circle, Miss Pris made a big deal over Matt being the special person, and told everyone how wonderful he was at making Lego. Matt knew that he was pretty good at Lego, but he also knew that some of the other boys were just as good or better at it.
“Look at this beautiful car Matt built, everyone!” she beamed in an exaggerated way. Matt felt a little bit embarrassed, because he knew that this car was okay but not spectacular or anything. To please the teacher, he held it up.
“Give Matt a compliment, everybody!” said Miss Pris.
“Good car, Matt.”
“That’s good, Matt, I like it.”
“Way to go, Matt,” said the children obediently. Matt smiled. This attention stuff felt pretty good. He was forgetting all about Leslie for the time being. Miss Pris smiled. “This is what it is all about,” she thought to herself, “Making children feel good about themselves.”
After circle, Matt went to play with the Lego. There were other boys there, too. “Hey, want me to show you how to make a car?” Matt offered.
“Sure,” said another boy.
Miss Pris smiled some more. It was working. Matt just needed to feel competent and now he would be able to get along with others, she told herself. Soon, Matt was running over to her, showing her what he made. She lavished him with more praise. He beamed, and went back to build some more. A little while later, she was surprised to hear yelling coming from the Lego corner.
“That piece is mine! I saw it first!” yelled Matt.
“Hmmm,” said Miss Pris to herself, “I guess we have more work to do.”
After school, Emma came and picked up Matt. Miss Pris told Emma all about the beautiful Lego that Matt had made, and how he had been the special person. Matt was waiting for her to tell about the fight he had with the other boy, but the teacher didn’t. She just smiled at Matt and Emma. Emma thanked Miss Pris, and took Matt home. He spent the afternoon building Lego cars in his room. When Philip came home, Matt ran to show him the Lego.
“Daddy, look what I made! Ithin’t it the betht?” Matt insisted.
“That’s great, Matt. Daddy is a little tired right now. Can we play together after dinner, son?” he replied.
Matt’s face fell. “Alright, I geth,” he said dejectedly, and hung his head all the way back to his room. Emma passed him in the hallway, and asked Philip,
“What’s wrong with Matt?”
“Oh, he wanted me to play Lego with him, but I’m just too wiped right now. How did it go with Miss Pris?” asked Philip.
“She gave me the number for the psychologist. I called her, and you’ll never believe this, but she had a cancellation for tomorrow and she can see us then,” said Emma excitedly.
“Us? I thought this was for Matt?” asked Philip in surprise.
“She wants to talk to the two of us first. Then she will see Matt. She says she needs a commitment that we will be able to attend whenever needed,” said Emma seriously.
“Well, I guess I can try to get away from work. This is important and I want to help Matt,” said Philip.
The next day, Philip did not go to work as usual. He and Emma put their nice clothes on and made Mr. Matt wear his Sunday school clothes. Matt did not understand what was going on.
“Where are we going?” he asked Emma, “Is it Thunday?”
“No, Mr. Matt, it’s not Sunday. We are taking you to the doctor,” she said gently.
“But I’m not thick!” exclaimed Matt.
“It’s not that kind of a doctor. We are taking you to a problem doctor. She helps kids talk about their problems,” explained Emma.
“But I don’t have a problem!” Matt said loudly. “I don’t need to go to the doctor!” Philip couldn’t help but overhear Matt.
“Don’t be scared, Matt, Mommy and I are going to be there with you,” he said, trying to reassure him.
“But I don’t wanna go!” wailed Matt, and threw himself on the floor. Just then, Maggie, the neighbor arrived to baby-sit Little Miss Leslie. Maggie’s children had all grown up and were off at college, and she was happy to help out Emma whenever she could.
“How are you today, Mr. Matt?” asked Maggie. Matt did not reply, but just scowled and grunted. In the end, Philip had to pick Matt up and put him in the car. Matt pouted and sulked the whole way to the doctor’s office. When they arrived, Philip took Matt by the hand and led him up the stairs. They walked into the office, and Matt stopped scowling long enough to look around. There were toys in the corner of the waiting room, which Matt spied immediately. Philip noticed this, and asked Matt if he would like to go and play. Matt agreed and ran to explore the toys, while Emma and Philip checked in with the secretary.
Soon, a rather tall woman dressed in a dark suit came out into the waiting room. She walked over to Matt, knelt down and said, “Hello, there, you must be Mr. Matt,” and put out her hand. Matt said, “Hi…” rather shyly, and looked over at Emma and Philip.
“I am Dr. Kerring, and it is very good to meet you,” smiled the woman, and then turned to shake hands with Emma and Philip. “I just need to talk to Mommy and Daddy for a few minutes, is that alright with you, Mr. Matt?” she asked. Matt shrugged his shoulders and went back to the toys. Emma and Philip followed Dr. Kerring into her office, and she closed the door.
“Well, I am glad to see you both here. So good of you to take time off of work to be here,” Dr. Kerring said, with a nod towards Philip. They both shifted uncomfortably in their seats.
“After speaking with you on the telephone, and receiving Miss Pris’ observations, I think I am beginning to get an understanding of what the trouble is,” said Dr. Kerring briskly.
“We just don’t know what to do with him, doctor,” said Philip sadly. “Ever since Leslie came along, he has been a different boy.”
“Yes, well a new child quite often changes the family dynamics. And with another one on the way, you’ll want to address this before it gets worse,” she warned them.
“I’m just afraid of what he might do to the new baby,” said Emma. “I mean, sometimes he really hurts Leslie.”
“What do you mean by hurt?” asked the doctor, beginning to make notes on the pad of paper in front of her.
“Well, he squeezes her, and kisses her really hard sometimes,” said Emma slowly.
“Hmmm, interesting,” said Dr. Kerring, scribbling some more on the paper.
“How much affection is Matt getting from you?” asked the doctor pointedly. Emma and Philip looked at each other uncomfortably.
“Not as much as he used to, I’m afraid,” confessed Philip. “I’ve been working longer hours to try to get a promotion. Sometimes I have to work weekends and evenings. I am really tired after I get home from work.”
“Two children really keep me busy at home,” admitted Emma, “Then there’s the housework, cooking, and this big belly in the way! I don’t have the energy I used to.”
“Well, it sounds like we might have hit on something here,” said Dr. Kerring seriously. “I think you need to find ways to give Matt some more attention.”
“We want to help him in any way we can, doctor,” assured Philip. “Tell us, what kind of attention do you mean?”
“It sounds to me like Matt is acting up to get your attention. He is jealous of Leslie, and that is perfectly natural. You need to reassure him that you love him and value him. He needs to hear from you how wonderful you think that he is,” said the doctor, in her calm and soothing voice. “You need to build up his self esteem. When he knows what a wonderful little boy you think he is, he won’t be jealous of his little sister anymore.”
“But, Dr. Kerring, I don’t understand. I always praise Matt when I see him doing what he should be,” objected Emma.
“That’s part of the problem. Why do you only praise him when he does right? He will get the message that he is unlovable when he does wrong. That is damaging to a child’s self esteem,” Dr. Kerring admonished.
“Oh, I didn’t realize that,” said Emma sadly.
“You need to make Matt a priority right now. He needs all of your attention. You might need to scale back at work, or hire someone to help you around the house. This is your son’s self worth that we are talking about here,” ordered Dr. Kerring. She instructed them in all the ways they should build up Matt’s self esteem, giving them detailed hand outs. Emma and Philip agreed to do what the doctor ordered, and then went to wait in the waiting room while Dr. Kerring had some time alone with Matt.
“So, Mr. Matt, I understand you are having some problems getting along with your sister,” began Dr. Kerring. Matt shrugged his shoulders and sat staring out the window.
“You’re probably feeling pretty left out, aren’t you?” pressed Dr. Kerring. Matt looked up at her tentatively. Dr. Kerring pulled out a box of candy from behind her desk. She offered one to Matt, and he quickly accepted.
“Let’s talk about you, Matt. Tell me all the wonderful things that you can do,” said Dr. Kerring. Matt chomped away on the candy, and together he and Dr. Kerring came up with a long list of all the wonderful things about Matt. Then they played with some special toys that she had in her office. When he came out of her office, he had a big smile on his face. His parents were happy to see that.
“You’ll come back and see me soon, now won’t you Matt?” encouraged Dr. Kerring.
“Oh, yeth, I will!” said Matt wholeheartedly. She smiled at him and his parents, and had them make another appointment with her secretary, and arrange payment, on their way out.
That night at dinner, when Matt grabbed the juice away from Leslie and she screamed, Emma scolded Leslie. “Hush, now, dear, let your brother have some juice first.” Matt’s eyes opened wide. What had happened to Mommy?
After dinner, Philip went into Matt’s room and played Lego with him for over an hour. When Leslie came to see what they were doing, Philip told her to go find Mommy because he and Matt were having some time alone. Matt could hardly believe his ears! Emma gave Matt a bath by himself. “Isn’t Lethlie going to have a bath with me?” he asked. “No, not this time dear. We are having some special time just the two of us,” said Emma, and after his bath she tucked him into bed and read him a story. Emma usually read to the two of them together, but tonight she read to him alone in his bed. It was nice to have Mommy all to himself, but in a way he missed sharing the story with his sister, although he didn’t tell Emma. As Matt fell asleep clutching Ralph his special bear, he had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he didn’t know what it was.
The next morning, Matt was getting ready for school when Leslie came running out of his room, carrying his toy computer.
“That’s my compooter!” he roared at her. “You can’t have it!” Matt went running toward her. Emma intervened before he could reach her.
“Leslie, give the computer to Mommy. This belongs to Matt,” she said, and put the computer away in his room. Matt grinned a satisfied grin at Leslie, and then brought his latest Lego creation to Emma. She oohed and aahed over it, as if it were the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Matt grinned some more.
At school, Matt wanted the swing at the same time another boy wanted it. He began yelling and crying loudly. Miss Pris came to see what the matter was. She remembered what Dr. Kerring had said, that Matt was going through a tough period of adjustment.
“Suzy, dear, have you had a long enough swing now? Matt would really like to have a turn,” she asked the child on the swing beside.
“Oh, sure, Matt can have it,” Suzy said, and hopped off. Matt jumped on without even so much as a thank-you, and began swinging gleefully away. Miss Pris thanked Suzy, and asked Matt if he wanted a push. Then she pointed out to Matt how high he was pumping, and what a good swinger he was.
All the rest of that day, and for the rest of the week, whenever Matt wanted something that someone else had, he would scream and yell. Sure enough, Miss Pris and Emma and Philip would come running and make sure that he got what he wanted. Pretty soon Matt figured out that if he wanted his own way, all he had to do was make a big fuss. He started to make more big fusses.
Matt’s parents and teacher were worried about this, so they told Dr. Kerring what was happening. Dr. Kerring said it was going to take time for Matt’s self esteem to be built up, and told them to be patient.
In the meantime, Matt was having trouble finding anyone to play with. The other boys and girls at school did not like his screaming. They didn’t like the way he refused to share the toys with them. Some of them were even afraid of him.
One day when Emma came to get Matt from school, Mr. Prym, the director of the preschool, took her aside. “I think Matt seems to be getting worse. We are finding him hard to manage. He is disruptive and he isn’t getting along well with others,” he said in a confidential tone.
“It’s the same at home,” said Emma dejectedly. “He fights more than ever with Leslie. When he doesn’t have all our attention or doesn’t get his own way, he has a huge fit! It is awful.”
“Well I am afraid if we don’t get this resolved soon, we won’t be able to accommodate Matt here anymore,” warned Mr. Prym. Emma’s face fell. She took Matt right home, and asked Maggie from next door to come over and baby-sit the children while she went to see Dr. Kerring.
She waited in the waiting room for a long time. Finally Dr. Kerring had a spare moment. Emma told her what had happened at school, and what was happening at home.
“Hmm, I see,” said Dr. Kerring thoughtfully. “Well, I am beginning to see a pattern here. Matt is too young for a diagnosis, but I can see that he has many of the symptoms of a behavior disorder.”
“A disorder?!” exclaimed Emma. “How can that be? What do you mean?” she sputtered.
“Well, some children develop the symptoms very early on. Unfortunately, it usually gets worse if it goes untreated. But you can rest assured that there are many effective treatments available, and the earlier we start, the better!” soothed the doctor.
“What kind of treatments do you mean?” asked Emma.
“Well, Matt is showing signs of being oppositional. That is a symptom of what we call Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I’m not saying he has this yet, but maybe we can intervene before he gets to that point,” said the doctor hopefully.
“I sure don’t want Matt to be kicked out of school,” said Emma. “What can we do, doctor?”
“There are different ways we can approach this. We can have your family physician prescribe a medication that will calm him down, so he doesn’t get into the kinds of rages we have been seeing,” she said, as she tapped her pencil thoughtfully on the pad.
“Oh, that sounds drastic, doctor,” said Emma, “Isn’t that harmful?”
“Well, there are some side effects of course, but they aren’t very distressing to most parents. Many parents are very happy with the medication, because it gives them a happier and calmer child,” she replied.
Emma rubbed her temples. “I just don’t know about this, doctor. I will need to talk that over with my husband.”
“Of course, of course,” Dr. Kerring said quickly. “Now there are some other angles we can look at.”
“Such as?”
“I would suggest getting Matt involved in some more activities, to improve his self esteem and help him learn to get along with others. Find something he is really good at, and then get behind him all the way. Get involved and cheer him on!” the doctor encouraged. Emma looked down at her belly. Suddenly she felt very tired.
“Okay,” she said slowly, “I’ll do that.”
“I will work with Miss Pris to set up a behavior program, and we will set up the same program in your home. That way he will know exactly what to expect in both places,” said the doctor excitedly. She was almost glowing. She began talking so fast that Emma could hardly keep up with her. Dr. Kerring explained the marvellous behavior program she had developed, and showed Emma stacks of statistics proclaiming its success rate. Dr. Kerring had several articles published about her work with children, and was very much in demand in her field.
“This is going to take work on your part, but believe me, it is worth it!” Dr. Kerring prattled on. She explained the program in detail, and gave Emma the program manual and all the materials necessary. She asked Emma to keep detailed records of Matt’s behavior, so that she would be able to track his progress and make adjustments to his “program” if necessary. By the time Emma left, she was exhausted, as she carted the load of books, papers, charts, and rewards out to the car.
When Emma got home, Matt had a broom in his hand and was sweeping up a mess on the floor, scowling and cursing under his breath.
“What’s going on, Matt?” she asked him.
“I thspilled the thereal and Maggie’s making me clean it up,” pouted Matt.
“What happened here, Maggie?” demanded Emma.
“Well, Matt grabbed the cereal away from Leslie, and it spilled all over the floor, so I asked him to sweep it up,” Maggie explained. Emma put down her pile of materials on the table and took the broom from Matt.
“Here, dear, Mommy will finish up for you. Go on and play now,” she said, and Matt happily skipped away, giving Maggie a knowing glance.
“Excuse me,” said Maggie softly to Emma, as soon as Matt was out of sight, “But I just can’t understand what was wrong with asking Matt to clean up the cereal.”
“You just don’t understand my son,” said Emma, sweeping up the last few Cheerios. “He has O.D.D.”
“O.D.D.? Pardon me, but doesn’t that spell ‘odd’?” asked Maggie.
“O.D.D. stands for Oppositional Defiant Disorder,” explained Emma. “I learned all about it today. There is a certain way we need to handle Matt, and if you want to keep sitting for me, then I can help you learn.” She pointed to the stack of manuals on the table. “We have some reading ahead of us, that’s for sure.” Maggie checked out the tower of books that was threatening to topple over. She read the strange titles; “Behavior Management,” “Helping Your Defiant Child,” and “Building Your Child’s Self Esteem.” They all had a Dr. ‘So-and-So’s name on the spine, followed by a P.H.D. in large letters.
“These are the charts we are going to start keeping on Matt’s behavior. We check his behavior in all these categories every hour. If he is good, he gets a star on his chart, and for 10 stars he gets to choose some of this candy, here,” Emma said, as she unloaded the bags of charts, stickers and goodies. Maggie’s eyes got bigger and bigger. She was dumbstruck.
“We aren’t to punish him or make him feel bad about his behavior. He just doesn’t get a star for that category. It’s not that hard,” Emma said, as she began to tape the chart up on the wall. “I think I might even like this. I hope Matt will, too.”
“I really don’t know what to make of all this,” said Maggie slowly, “But I have to be honest and say I can’t understand it.”
“Well, Maggie, I feel this is what is best for my son. And if you don’t agree with these methods, then it is probably better that you don’t baby-sit for us anymore. I have enjoyed having you and the kids adore you, but I need everyone in Matt’s life to be fully on board with this,” said Emma flatly. Maggie was taken aback. She didn’t quite know what to say.
“If that is the way you feel, then I better take my leave for the time being,” said Maggie quietly.
“Good-bye, then, Maggie,” said Emma briskly, and saw her to the door. Her husband pulled up just as Maggie was leaving.
“Hi, honey, what’s up?” he asked, as he scooped up the newspaper.
“I think we’ve just lost our babysitter,” she said, shaking her head and following her husband into the house. He walked into the kitchen and spied the pile of stuff Emma had brought home from Dr. Kerring’s office.
“What’s all this?” he asked, picking up one of the books and eyeing its cover.
“I had a session with Dr. Kerring today. She is setting up a program for Matt,” explained Emma as she poured two cups of tea and sat down at the table with her husband. “Matt nearly got kicked out of school today.”
“Oh, no, that’s awful,” moaned Philip. “What did he do now?”
“It’s not what he did, dear, it’s what he has that’s the problem,” said Emma, taking a sip of her tea.
“What is that supposed to mean?” asked her husband, scratching his head.
“According to Dr. Kerring, our son is in the beginning stages of a behavior disorder. These tantrums he has are only going to get worse if we don’t implement a program to manage them.”
“A program? A disorder? This is a bit much, don’t you think?”
“Look, dear, Dr. Kerring is an expert in her field. She has been working with these kinds of kids for years, and had a lot of success with them. She showed me the statistics. Read them for yourself.” Emma handed Philip a copy of an article from the internet.
“What happens to these kids if they don’t get treated?” he asked quietly, flipping through the article.
“They become delinquents,” Emma said, her eyes filling with tears. Philip gulped.
“So, our son isn’t normal. That’s quite a shock,” he remarked, leaning back on his chair. “What will this mean for his future?”
“We don’t have to think about that. If we do what Dr. Kerring tells us to do, he can recover from this!” said Emma insistently. “And if this doesn’t work, she says we can try medication.”
“Medication? You mean there are pills that make children behave?”
“There are pills that keep them calm, keep them from hurting others. Sometimes it’s necessary. Did you know that he pushed another child into the ground today when she wouldn’t give him the book she was reading? He is getting violent,” she frowned worriedly. Her husband sighed.
“Well, I guess we don’t have much of a choice, do we? Let’s give this program a try and see if that cures him.”
Emma and Philip quietly sipped their tea, pouring over the books, papers and manuals. Mr. Matt quietly sneaked past the kitchen door, down the hall to the bathroom. He didn’t want them to know he had been listening.
The very next day, Emma and Philip started on their “program” with Matt. They showed him the chart, the stickers, and the candy. Matt understood it all very well. In the first hour, he earned 5 stars, and by the time he was leaving for school, he had earned his first piece of candy.
“Hmm, not too great for the teeth,” thought Emma, “I guess we’ll just have to worry about the dentist bill later.” She was very pleased with the way Matt had behaved all morning. He didn’t fight once with his sister! It had been a calm and peaceful morning, the best they’d had in months. She liked this program already.
When they arrived at school, Dr. Kerring was there to meet them. She had already met with Miss Pris and gone over Matt’s program, and was there to help supervise it while it was getting off the ground. Matt had a wonderful day, earning lots of stars and candy. His whole week was superb, and everyone began breathing a little bit easier.
Of course, Emma and Philip were up late into the night sitting at the kitchen table compiling data for Dr. Kerring, but they were happy to do it. They expected to make some sacrifices as parents. Emma enrolled Matt in music lessons, dance lessons, soccer and Boy Scouts. Emma and Philip shared the duties of shuttling Matt back and forth to all these activities, and being there to “cheer him on” and pump up his self esteem. Matt was kept busy every moment of the day, and this seemed to keep him out of trouble, as well as tire him (and the rest of the family) out. When Emma was just too exhausted to give Matt more attention, she would keep him happy and quiet with his favorite television programs or video games.
Matt was becoming a very busy boy, and if he ever had any “down” time, he seemed to get whiny or find some sort of trouble to get into. He needed to be constantly monitored, with all his behaviors being duly documented for review with Dr. Kerring, so she could see how he was responding to treatment.
All day long, his teacher kept data on Matt, too. She couldn’t cope with the increased workload, so Mr. Prym had a teaching assistant brought in especially for Matt. The school began to host regular “team meetings” to discuss Matt’s progress with Dr. Kerring and his parents. Everyone shared how well the program was working for them, and congratulated one another on the success they were having.
Miss Pris decided to invite other teachers in to observe the program at work, so her colleagues could see how wonderful it was. She explained Matt’s program to them, and they began inviting her to do workshops at their schools so that they could learn to use the program, too. Soon the classroom was bustling with visitors, who all wanted to meet Matt and observe him.
Matt was getting a lot of special attention, and the other kids were beginning to notice. “Teacher, why does Matt get the stars? Teacher, why does Matt get candy?” Miss Pris didn’t quite know how to handle this, so she thought it would be good to call another team meeting. She brought up this issue, and they all decided that Miss Pris should have an open discussion about Matt’s disorder with the class. That way, they would understand why he needed special treatment.
So at the very next circle time, Miss Pris explained to all the children about Matt’s disorder, and why he needed all of this special attention. Strangely enough, soon after this discussion Miss Pris began having problems with some of the other children in her class. Children who were well behaved before began to suddenly develop behavior problems. Parents began to complain to Mr. Prym, blaming Matt for the change in their children. After a few more team meetings, it was decided that Matt should go to a special class for children with problems like his. That way he could get the attention he needed and be with children just like him.
When Emma and Philip explained this to Matt, he protested. “But, but, I don’t wanna leave my thcool!” he wailed. Matt began to feel that something really must be wrong with him. He had never really believed it before, but now he thought it must be true. He was brokenhearted. He went into their backyard to play by himself in the sandbox, and began building an elaborate sandcastle. As he was sitting digging a moat with his shovel, he felt a spray of water come his way. He looked in its direction and spied Maggie over the fence, aiming her hose at him and smiling.
“Need some water for that moat, Matt?” she asked with a twinkle in her eye.
“Thanks, Maggie!” he exclaimed, jumping up to fetch the hose. He pointed it into the hole he dug, and then handed it back to her.
“You’re looking a little down in the mouth today, my friend,” remarked Maggie casually.
“Well, I’m thad ‘cause I gotta go to a new thcool,” said Matt, looking down at his sneakers.
“Oh, why’s that, Matt?”
“I have O.D.D.!” he said, his eyes getting wide.
“Why, Matt, O.D.D. spells odd! You don’t look at all odd to me,” Maggie smiled. Matt averted her gaze. He shuffled his feet and chewed thoughtfully on his fingernail.
“I’m a bad boy. I have a ‘havior ‘thorder,” he murmured.
“A behavior disorder! Oh, Matt, you talk as if you could never get better!” Maggie proclaimed. Matt looked up at her and looked her in the eye. “You need to learn how selfishness hurts everyone. You know, I needed to learn that, too!”
“You did?” asked Matt, hopefully. Just then, Emma spied him talking to Maggie.
“Matt,” she called, “Come inside. It’s time to count your stars!” Matt got up dejectedly and began to go inside.
“Bye, Maggie, and thanks for the water,” he said, waving to her.
“Anytime, Matt!” she replied, returning his wave with a warm smile. Matt smiled back a rather sad little smile, and went into the house. Philip, who had been listening to the whole interaction while unobserved by the pair, sat down quietly behind the shed he had been painting, and dropped his brush.
Maggie immediately put down her hose and went into the house. She was as mad as a hatter. Behavior disorder! What kind of malarkey were they filling this poor child’s head with? Stars! For a moment, she wished that she could make them see some stars of their own, but she cut off that thought before it went any further. Maggie went upstairs to her room and dropped beside her bed on her knees.
“Oh, Father in Heaven, please help little Mr. Matt,” she cried. “I’m so mad I could spit, and I know You must not be happy about the situation either. I don’t know what to do, except to ask You to intervene somehow,” Maggie choked out the words. She stayed there silently for quite some time, holding Matt, his parents, and his helpers before the Throne of Grace. She finally had the assurance that the Father had heard her prayer, and would answer her. She climbed into bed and drifted off to sleep.
Meanwhile, Mr. Matt had not earned quite so many stars as usual. The novelty of the candy had begun to wear off. Dr. Kerring said they would need to vary the rewards, and give Matt something more exciting to work for.
“Will there ever be a time when he just does what he is supposed to do, without needing a reward for it?” asked Philip.
“Well, you get a paycheck for going to work, don’t you?” pointed out Dr. Kerring.
“Yes, but how does that compare?”
“Matt has got to see that it is to his advantage to behave. There has to be something in it for him. Isn’t that the way it is with all of us?” asked the doctor. Philip was quiet. He didn’t like the sound of that.
Later, when he was alone, he mulled over it again. What was his son going to turn into, he wondered, someone who only ever looked out for his own interests? Someone who only did what was right because it was to his own advantage? That didn’t sound like the kind of person he wanted Matt to grow up to be.
He began to observe Matt on the sly. He noticed that Matt did what was right when someone was watching to give him a star, but when Matt thought no one was watching, he would give Leslie a good pinch. This disturbed him greatly. It was obvious to him that Matt could be a good little boy when he was getting something for it, but this was just a put on. Inside, he was still the same jealous and selfish little boy. There had been no change of heart.
Philip’s suspicions about Dr. Kerring began to grow. She was always pointing out how wonderfully well Matt was doing now that he was on this “program” of hers, but was he? Matt was more segregated than ever. He had become less and less interested in other children. Certainly he wasn’t as aggressive, and hadn’t had a tantrum in months, that could not be denied. But Matt seemed even more “into” himself somehow. All he talked about was himself, and Dr. Kerring seemed to encourage this. She ensured that every aspect of Matt’s life was tailored to suit him, so that he need never get upset about anything. He could learn what he wanted when he wanted. If he said something was too hard to do, his teacher made it easier for him. He was never challenged, never forced to do anything against his will. If someone wanted him to do something, he had to be offered a bribe in order to do it. Dr. Kerring said this only made sense, as how could one expect a child to do anything he wasn’t going to be rewarded for? That would hardly be fair, now, would it? And besides, don’t forget that Matt is different. He has a disorder. Philip knew that Dr. Kerring was certainly being well rewarded for her work, that was for sure. The bills for her services mounted, and her business grew larger by the day.
Philip couldn’t get these nagging doubts out of his mind. He went out into the back garden one sunny afternoon to do a little weeding. Maggie’s husband, George, was clipping the bush on his side of the fence.
“Hello there, George, how are you?” he waved in greeting to his neighbor. George returned the greeting.
“Just fine, neighbor! How’s the family? We haven’t seen very much of you of late.” Philip knew this was true, and was a little ashamed. George and Maggie had been very dear friends. He knew that his wife had offended Maggie when she had “fired” her as a babysitter. They had been in the habit of avoiding them ever since. It was easy enough to do, what with all the activities, meetings, and paperwork they had for Matt’s program.
“I’m sorry we’ve been so strange lately,” he admitted. He stopped what he was doing and walked over to George, looking him in the face. “To tell you the truth George, I feel like we’ve been living on another planet.” George smiled and patted his arm.
“We’re still neighbors. And I have been concerned about you. Maggie told me about what has been going on with Matt and the doctor.”
“She did? I’m so confused, George. I feel like this is all my fault. I guess I haven’t given Matt enough attention.”
“That depends on what kind of attention you mean. He does need discipline, that’s for certain,” said George solemnly.
Philip was quiet for a moment. “Discipline. I haven’t done that for quite some time. What with stars, charts, pats on the head…” he trailed off.
“Being a father is a serious responsibility,” George intoned.
“I know,” he sighed, “And I am beginning to see that I really don’t know the first thing about it,” he admitted.
“You know, I didn’t either, but then I met Someone who does,” said George. “If you like, we can meet together and seek His thoughts on your situation,” he offered kindly.
“Is now a good time for you?” Philip asked eagerly. George smiled, and opened the gate for his neighbor.
After his prayer meeting with George, Philip knew it was time to talk to his wife about his concerns. He sat down with Emma one evening to share them with her. He didn’t anticipate her reaction.
“How could you say that about Dr. Kerring?” she sputtered. “Why, she’s practically saved Matt’s life, and mine, too, for that matter! I am going to have this baby any day now, and for the first time since I had Leslie, things are calm around here. I need this program!”
Philip took his wife’s hand in his. “I know how hard this has all been on you. You’ve been working yourself to the bone, tabulating data, attending meetings, driving into the city for doctor’s appointments, chauffeuring Matt to all these activities, reading articles on the internet … I see the toll it has taken on you, and on our family. When was the last time we just had a normal day together? We are walking on eggshells around Matt; being careful never to set him off, for fear he’s going to have a tantrum again one day. And this special class he is in, have you been there? He is learning almost nothing. Whenever he refuses to do something, they give in or make it easier until he will do it. Everyone is afraid of him, and he’s only a child!”
Emma began to cry. “But we’ve come so far! Look at where he is now, compared to where he was. At least he’s in school – they were going to kick him out!”
“Maybe that would have been better,” Philip said ruefully. “At least we wouldn’t be lying to him.”
“What do you mean, lying to him?” she asked, in shock.
“It is a lie to let him think he can have his own way in everything,” he said quietly.
“I don’t know about that. It seems to work for some people.”
“Maybe it looks that way. Looks can be deceiving. Take our son, for example. He may look like a well behaved child most of the time, but I have witnessed that there has been no observable change on the inside. Whenever he thinks he can get away with it, he goes for it! His relationship with his sister is worse than ever. In fact, I think I may even hear a fight starting over that ‘compooter’ again right now.” Strains of ‘Me, Me, Me, it’s all for me!’ floated from Matt’s bedroom.
“Dr. Kerring never promised that he would change on the inside,” pointed out his wife.
“That’s true,” he conceded. “But isn’t that what you would want for Matt? That he would really love his sister, not just treat her well so that he gets his candy?” He looked seriously into his wife’s eyes. Tears began to stream down her face.
“But we can’t make him love her! We can’t change his heart!” she cried.
“You’re right, there, honey,” he said, holding her hand a little tighter. “But maybe there is Someone who can.” With that, he closed his eyes and bowed his head. His wife took her cue from her husband, and did the same. Together they prayed for their children, and placed them in their Heavenly Father’s care, in the full knowledge that they were powerless to accomplish that which they trusted Him in faith to do. As they prayed, they felt a soft, soothing wind blow past the kitchen toward Matt’s room. It was strangely silent in the house, and not a sound could be heard. Emma and Philip remained in prayer, peace descending upon them and the sweet relief that they had been heard.
As for Dr. Kerring, well, she lost a patient. Emma and Philip rekindled their friendship with George and Maggie, who were happy to mentor them in their new life of faith. Mr. Matt and Little Miss Leslie’s adventure was just beginning, and you can read all about it in the story of “Wee Wisdom.”
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